So, I just logged in here for the first time in, oh, I don’t know…..a really long time. I have felt kind of foolish having a blog called ‘startingwritenow’ when I am not really writing anything lately. What a joke, right? And, how very typical of me-to start something and then drift off. Then the longer I stayed away, the easier it became to not write, to not focus on this. Truth be told the things I wanted to write about, to empty out of my head and my heart and dump out here on ‘the interwebs’ where my words are just a few in a sea of words that no one would really pay attention to, were really personal. And I got scared. I am not one of those people after all-the ones that can strip naked on a page (or in a post) and leave it all out there. Or, I am, except I worry about the fallout. I worry about the tales I tell and the ripples they cast not just in my life, but in those around me. If I share here things I said or did in my twenties, my kids may stumble across them and some of those things-not so pretty. And that is just a small part of it. Writing as a way of exploring my past and working through the things I needed to meant telling the truth about not only myself, but about others too, and who am I to shine so bright a light on someone else’s walk? Who am I to point a public spotlight on someone else’s life. I think when I wrote about Lena Dunham it kind of hit me. She wrote her book, and in doing so brought her sister into a very vulnerable place, one she did not ask to be in, one where she would be judged and criticized and examined by millions of people. Now, I don’t believe that millions of people will read this little blog, but, my kids might, my husband does, you do.
So I haven’t written. But I have worked on me. I have become more me than ever before. And I have let go of this feeling that I ‘failed this too’ because I haven’t. I did ‘start write now’ and I started a lot of things in the last year or so. I started focusing more on my photography, I started working full time, I started learning again, I started volunteering. I started quite a lot. And while it was not all writing, it was all good and that is all I can really ask.