Well now…

So, I just logged in here for the first time in, oh, I don’t know…..a really long time.  I have felt kind of foolish having a blog called ‘startingwritenow’ when I am not really writing anything lately.  What a joke, right?  And, how very typical of me-to start something and then drift off. Then the longer I stayed away, the easier it became to not write, to not focus on this.  Truth be told the things I wanted to write about, to empty out of my head and my heart and dump out here on ‘the interwebs’ where my words are just a few in a sea of words that no one would really pay attention to, were really personal.  And I got scared.  I am not one of those people after all-the ones that can strip naked on a page (or in a post) and leave it all out there.  Or, I am, except I worry about the fallout.  I worry about the tales I tell and the ripples they cast not just in my life, but in those around me.  If I share here things I said or did in my twenties, my kids may stumble across them and some of those things-not so pretty.  And that is just a small part of it.  Writing as a way of exploring my past and working through the things I needed to meant telling the truth about not only myself, but about others too, and who am I to shine so bright a light on someone else’s walk? Who am I to point a public spotlight on someone else’s life.  I think when I wrote about Lena Dunham it kind of hit me.  She wrote her book, and in doing so brought her sister into a very vulnerable place, one she did not ask to be in, one where she would be judged and criticized and examined by millions of people.  Now, I don’t believe that millions of people will read this little blog, but, my kids might, my husband does, you do.

So I haven’t written.  But I have worked on me. I have become more me than ever before.  And I have let go of this feeling that I ‘failed this too’ because I haven’t.  I did ‘start write now’ and I started a lot of things in the last year or so.  I started focusing more on my photography, I started working full time, I started learning again, I started volunteering.  I started quite a lot. And while it was not all writing, it was all good and that is all I can really ask.

About startingwritenow

I am a mom, a wife, a sister, daughter and friend. I love a good laugh, a house full of people, a great craft beer (or two), a bold red wine and a book or movie of any kind.-good, bad or otherwise! I believe in learning something everyday, in growing and changing every chance you get. I don't fit in every circle, I don't color inside the lines, but I have learned to love my messy life!
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One Response to Well now…

  1. oldmainer says:

    You have only failed if you complete something without success. Writing is always a work in progress.

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