Please Don’t Go

The last few weeks have been tough.  Faced with one of my oldest/dearest friends succumbing to cancer, it has been hard for me to write or think of anything else.  I have been staring at my phone, waiting, worrying, knowing that call is going to come. 

I tried to call him on Wednesday, only to find out his speech was gone. Motor skills, sight, all gone.  I couldn’t say goodbye. I couldn’t say I love you.  I couldn’t say please stay…

He passed on Wednesday night/early Thursday morning.  

Sometime during the night I woke up with horrible vertigo, my room was spinning, my eyes out of my control.  It was strange and scary and something I have never experienced before.  When I woke up in the morning and saw a text on my phone, I knew.  And the karma/spiritual/out there part of me wonders if it was his passing that woke me.  Was my world tilting because he was leaving it?  Was it he trying to say goodbye to me, to wake me up and let me know he was going and he was okay? I would like to think so.   It sounds crazy, but I think things like that happen.  I distinctly remember speaking to my grandmother the night after she died.  As clear as day she was with me, and we talked. I smelled her and I felt her and when I woke, I knew she had been there, in my house and in my room.  I believe it. 

I also think sometimes we know things we cannot explain. We feel them, our intuition guides us, our hearts lead us or a combination of all things.  And Wednesday when I wrote, I think I knew.  

Are you leaving us today?

Please stay a while more. 

Please don’t go.

An attempt at a Quinzaine for Paint the World with Words.  I don’t know if I did it right, and it doesn’t matter really.  It was an attempt, and it was all I could think about. I didn’t post this on Wednesday, I was too scared. Scared it was awful  or scared it was true…I don’t know.  There were others that I will keep for myself, that feel too private, too personal to share. I will put them away with his photo and my memories. 

He passed in peace and surrounded by love and for that I am happy and thankful. 

About startingwritenow

I am a mom, a wife, a sister, daughter and friend. I love a good laugh, a house full of people, a great craft beer (or two), a bold red wine and a book or movie of any kind.-good, bad or otherwise! I believe in learning something everyday, in growing and changing every chance you get. I don't fit in every circle, I don't color inside the lines, but I have learned to love my messy life!
This entry was posted in Writings & Ramblings. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Please Don’t Go

  1. Liz Kibby says:

    That is so hard to go through. But I absolutely believe you felt his soul depart, and spoke to your grandmother as well. She visited you to make sure you would be okay, and so did this man. I am sorry for your loss. I don’t how long ago it happened, but those things stay with you a lifetime. I love your blog name by the way, very clever. 🙂

  2. jane e says:

    I agree with Liz. I do believe there is a lot we don’t understand. I wish you peace as you grieve your friend.
    Thank you for following my blog. I love your writing and hope to read more.

  3. Danielle says:

    I don’t know. You are just a stranger and yet I feel like we are all connected through life. I am sending you love and hope and peace on this journey of yours. I know how it feels not to be able to say goodbye. My aunt passed a few weeks ago. We weren’t talking at the time. I found out in a call from my uncle in a cab. The first thoughts that ran through my head is that I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t get to tell her how much I loved her and appreciated everything she did for me. So, I went to her funeral, and gave a speech sharing how grateful for everything she brought into my life, books, ideas, and authors. I am trying to live my life differently than I did before, in service and dedication to her, that everything can be taken away from us quickly. Oh, that sounds cornet, I know, I don’t know, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I feel you. I feel your words. thanks for sharing.

  4. Hi there! My prayers goes out to your friend! May his soul RIP! Thank you for this entry to the challenge. I can get your deepest feelings of friendship to your friend and I feel this is very well written. Stay Strong XXX

  5. Pingback: The “Be Inspired Weekly” Writing Challenge #25 | Paint the world with words

  6. Brenda says:

    I hope your friend has found a better place, free of troubles and pain. I hope you find peace and joy again soon. Meanwhile, you are a terrific writer!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s