The last few weeks have been tough. Faced with one of my oldest/dearest friends succumbing to cancer, it has been hard for me to write or think of anything else. I have been staring at my phone, waiting, worrying, knowing that call is going to come.
I tried to call him on Wednesday, only to find out his speech was gone. Motor skills, sight, all gone. I couldn’t say goodbye. I couldn’t say I love you. I couldn’t say please stay…
He passed on Wednesday night/early Thursday morning.
Sometime during the night I woke up with horrible vertigo, my room was spinning, my eyes out of my control. It was strange and scary and something I have never experienced before. When I woke up in the morning and saw a text on my phone, I knew. And the karma/spiritual/out there part of me wonders if it was his passing that woke me. Was my world tilting because he was leaving it? Was it he trying to say goodbye to me, to wake me up and let me know he was going and he was okay? I would like to think so. It sounds crazy, but I think things like that happen. I distinctly remember speaking to my grandmother the night after she died. As clear as day she was with me, and we talked. I smelled her and I felt her and when I woke, I knew she had been there, in my house and in my room. I believe it.
I also think sometimes we know things we cannot explain. We feel them, our intuition guides us, our hearts lead us or a combination of all things. And Wednesday when I wrote, I think I knew.
Are you leaving us today?
Please stay a while more.
Please don’t go.
An attempt at a Quinzaine for Paint the World with Words. http://painttheworldwithwords.wordpress.com/2014/04/15/the-be-inspired-weekly-writing-challenge-24/ I don’t know if I did it right, and it doesn’t matter really. It was an attempt, and it was all I could think about. I didn’t post this on Wednesday, I was too scared. Scared it was awful or scared it was true…I don’t know. There were others that I will keep for myself, that feel too private, too personal to share. I will put them away with his photo and my memories.
He passed in peace and surrounded by love and for that I am happy and thankful.