How did I know that my husband was my soulmate? It is hard to say-it was not one thing or another but rather little bits and pieces of things that made me feel whole, and safe after years torturing myself and letting myself be tortured. It could have been the first kiss he gave me on top of the Empire State Building after weeks of courting-lunches in the park, studying together at the diner. It might have been the night I heard him whisper I love you in the middle of the night, ever so softly, so that I thought I almost dreamed it and I was too frightened to move for fear it would disappear. I might have known he was my soul mate the weekend we drove to the Cape, our first trip away together, and we both had a condom tucked in our pocket-we could not wait to be together-and we laughed as we fell onto the bed and I was not afraid. I knew the night we sat in the movies together watching Braveheart, and he whispered that he wanted to take me to all of those places, and then he did. He helped me get a passport and whisked me to England and Scotland and it was amazing and thrilling and more than I had dreamed of. When we were asked to describe how we both were feeling in some pre-marital class or course or something of that nature, we both simultaneously said ‘content’ and we knew.
It has not always been butterflies and fairies though, and that is when you see your true soulmate. One who is not up to the task will leave at the darkest times, run scared when they see you falter and fail, and my husband has been stalwart and stayed through it all. We have fought over money and jobs, motorcycles and boats and he has never faltered. Never threatened to leave or walk out. And I am ashamed to say that I have, during my worst times I have fallen back into the nasty patterns gleaned from dating an abusive alcoholic for years. Strike below the belt. Walk out. Threaten. Shout. He should have left by now…
And yet he stays.
This is the man that took me shopping for shoes to fit my leg brace after my back surgery left me numb and limping. We shopped all day to come up empty handed, and then he sat and watched me sob into my margarita as the weight of the situation hit me. This is the man that held my my and watched me cry as they took impressions for hearing aids after a car accident left me stuck in the muffled world I sit in today. This man told me to quit the job I hated, the job that made me cry everyday, that challenged my integrity and danced around laws. He told me we would be okay, just quit. It’s not worth it. It’s not worth us, or you. It’s only money, just a job.
You and me, and our kids, that is what matters.
That is what is most important.
This man is an amazing father to my our two boys. He teaches them to laugh and love, to work and learn and is engaged and present with them every second. They adore him. He does not parent with fear or intimidation, but with love and understanding and our boys are turning out to be stellar young men. They are open and honest with their hearts and imaginations and I am so incredibly amazed that I am a part of parenting them. They are the best parts of both of us, though I suspect more him than me.
He is the rock that I crash against and is solid and strong in all of the places that i am messy and weak.
We fit together, our bodies curl up and fit together like pieces of a puzzle, connecting in all the right places. My head rests perfectly under his chin and I can hear his heartbeat from there, he smells like home, like safety, and I want to stay there forever. It doesn’t matter my shape or size or how horrible I feel that day, to him I am beautiful. He is my best friend, my champion, my love and my heart. We are now, and I hope will always be, content.
For more essays on soulmates, take a look at the Daily Prompt. http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/prompt-born/