It’s a secret…sort of.

I have hardly told anyone I am writing this blog.

How ridiculous is that?  How ironic! I can put all of this out on the internet, where millions of people can read it, judge it, critique it, and yet I have only told a handful of people I know that I am doing this.  This year I decided to be brave, to grow and take chances, work on my bucket list, take trips and start writing, and yet here I am being a big chicken.

The tug of war has been going on in my head since I started.  I stare at the Widgets and buttons for publicizing and sharing and I want to, I want to put it out there, but I freeze just before I push the button.  I can’t do it.  Not very brave of me, is it?

I thought about it the other night on my way home from dinner with friends, who, yes, I just told that I have started this. I confess, even saying it out loud felt strange.  Who am I to write a blog? Who cares what I have to say? And why do I feel like what I say should be published anywhere?

I don’t know. I suppose to me it is like the saying ‘if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, did it really happen?’ If I write in journals and notebooks and on scraps of paper and narrate stories in my head, did they really exist? Now that I have started this I feel like there are stories ready to jump out of my fingers. When they stretch across the keys I feel like I cannot type fast enough and I am afraid if I don’t let them out I will lose them all again.  Doesn’t that mean something?

I found a blog when I was struggling with my hearing loss.  I Googled, and searched and found thoughts that matched my own, right there on the internet.  Right there, at my kitchen table, without ever having left the house, I felt less alone.  I cried when I read it.  My husband begged me to stop reading things that made me so upset, but I wasn’t upset. Not this time. This woman was my age.  This woman had hearing loss. This woman I could relate to. I was relieved. I was comforted and I was not alone. And isn’t that what most of us are looking for? That connection, that piece to the puzzle, that voice that says I hear you? Perhaps my words will do the same for someone else.  I can only hope so.

Oh, and that woman who blogs? Her name is Jen Pastiloff, and if you have not read her, or followed her on the many social media outlets she can be found, you should. She is amazing, she does amazing things.  She is a writer, a yogi, an inspiration and a host of other things.  I am eternally grateful to whatever cosmic Gods of Google led me to her., is where you can find her, but I found her here first.

So will I ‘Share’ today? Ah, there are no promises here. It took me a long time to get to this point, and I am enjoying it.  It is like going to a bar and pouring your nitty gritty out to the bartender, isn’t it?  When you are done, you tip your hat and out you go – there is no judgment, no criticism and then when you pass on the street, there will be no recognition.  You were talking to a stranger, and isn’t that always is easier?   There is safety in anonymity, safety in being a random anyone, rather than a certain someone, and for now that is where I am hanging out.

About startingwritenow

I am a mom, a wife, a sister, daughter and friend. I love a good laugh, a house full of people, a great craft beer (or two), a bold red wine and a book or movie of any kind.-good, bad or otherwise! I believe in learning something everyday, in growing and changing every chance you get. I don't fit in every circle, I don't color inside the lines, but I have learned to love my messy life!
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