(An excerpt from a conversation I wish I could have with The Same Fifteen Pounds I lose and gain every other year. If only it were this easy.)
Well hello, you scoundrel, you! How in the world did you get back here? I thought we’d seen the last of you. You have not changed a bit, still staunch and stubborn I see! You are a sneaky one, I don’t even think I saw you coming this time, or maybe I did..was that you I saw after Christmas? I bet it was! You should have been more forward, said hello, we might have avoided this awkward run in. Yes, yes, good to see you, well, not really, but you must run along now. And truly dear, please don’t come back. It pains me greatly to see you, and we only end up fighting. It’s a tiresome dance, a stale relationship. I’ve no doubt you have plenty of other friends you can stay with. You understand, don’t you? You know the old cliché-it’s not you, it’s me..I just don’t want you anymore. You make me feel awful about myself, angry, and so terribly bitter. Yes, I know it’s not your intention, but just having you here makes me want to scream and hide and wear big oversized sweaters. Don’t you want better for me? Surely you must. You can see how having you around is toxic. It’s not a healthy relationship for me. I would just love to have a picture of myself without you there, just a picture of me-happy and carefree and not trying to hide you or minimize you. It’s so tedious and tiresome. So please do be a dear, and leave for good this time. It’s the best thing for both of us. I promise. Don’t make this difficult, you know how I hate goodbyes. Just go.